Friday Februrary 1st
Usually, my wonderful boyfriend brings me to the methadone clinic each morning, and then he picks me up and takes me all the way to school, which is in the opposite direction. Well, lately, this routine has been slightly altered because he got a job in the waste management industry. I was thrilled for him, as he had been out of work for a hot minute and his money he had saved from his last occupation was quickly dwindling. The only crappy thing- well i guess not the only crappy thing - about waste management is that you have to be to work by 5:30 am each day. Therefore, I have started taking the bus...
Every morning, I wake up, make my coffee, apricot jelly toast, and oatmeal (the breakfast of champions), and eat while I try to pull a brush through my dreaddy hair. I would swear under oath that little elves come and dance on my head and muck up my otherwise silky tresses, while i sleep. Then I brush my teeth, wash my face, and roll about ten or fifteen cigarettes for the day ahead. I bundle up, wearing layers of pants, two sweaters, two jackets, three scarves, a hat, four pairs of socks, and my boots. Finally, once I am somewhat resembling a marshmallow, I grab my backpack, which feels like its loaded with rocks, and head out the door and towards the bus stop at Elden and Butler.
The number seven bus is scheduled to show up at 7:31, however, I can pretty much count on it not showing up until 7:38. The driver is a brunette man in his early thirties, and his glazed eyes portray him to be constantly stoned, which may account for his predictable tardiness. The crowd on the seven thirty-something bus number seven is usually completely silent, that is except for one lady who sits near the front, so she can blather on the not so enthusiastic driver. She works at the Safeway on West and Cedar, and weighs a good three hundred pounds. The name tag permanently glued to her chest calls her BobbyLuanne, and name which fits perfectly with her slow drawling southern accent. BobbyLou has four chihuahuas, each named after Disney princesses even though two of them are boys (Ariel, Belle, Jasmine, and Pocahauntas). She used to feed them taco bell every day because she felt that they deserved to be eating human food, but then Jasmine and Ariel developed stomach issues, which caused them to defecate on her carpet (Thank the lord Jesus her carpet is already a ruddy brown color!) Keep in mind that, fortunately, I have never actually met this woman face to face. She just Likes to publicize her canine catastrophes loud enough for everyone on the bus to enjoy (I for one, do really enjoy her entertainment.) Pocahauntas, a male whose innate masculinaty has been persistently downplayed by the pink tutus "mommy" dresses him up in, has developed an obsessive compulsive humping issue. He has a huge crush on Jasmine, which has begun to traumatize her as he will not leave her alone. So little Pocahauntas' mommy (how bus lady refers to herself) has spent over $300 on dog obedience training to help him with his little problem, but it has been to no avail. Pocahauntas just wont stop humping Jasmine! So, she, being the loving pet owner she is, is saving all her money so she can hire the dog whisperer. At this point, in the one-sided conversation we both had to depart from the bus (the methadone clinic happens to be across the street from Safeway). I was kind of sorry when the entertainment came to such an abrupt end, but no worries! I'm sure she will be back on the bus, same time next Monday.
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